♡ E.'s

2012-02-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

So sorry to my boy for being so sensitive and emotional. I can tell he's angry now.

I'll not wish to have a happy family. I just want my mum to be happy. I hope she finds a guy who treats her better. I hope she finds a boyfriend. Really hate my dad for doing such things but he's my dad and I can't... Why can't my family be a normal one.. So worried for my mum.

What a life. What a family.

XX.

2012-02-02T23:42:00.001+08:00

Feel so ridiculous for being this way. Sensitive fuck. Why I like that!?!?!? It's like I always feel that Timmy should find a girl who can ton, smoke with him or maybe live somewhere near him because I'm only making his life difficult. He sleeps in the morning, I wake up in the morning. Totally opposite. If his girl tons like him, then he'll be so much happier. He doesn't have to wake up while he's tired just to accompany me. He would be able to meet his girl easily. Have a bad feeling that our relationship would die this year so I'll appreciate all of the time/festivals with him like valentines day and so on. Idk. Just.. I'm such a sensitive bitch.

My boy has been really sweet. Was kinda irritated when we couldn't text but we're able to text already ^~^ k so excited to watch "I not naughty" but I shouldn't be excited la cause somehow I've a feeling that Timmy would disappoint me. Can't help to not be excited for the movie @_@

Damn tired after work. Keep rushing me to paste price tags. Bloody hellz. Gonna K.O soon goodnight!

Xx.

~+~+

2012-01-31T21:56:00.001+08:00

Worked OT today. Think I'm gonna die. So damn tired....... :(

Day 5. He's constantly on my mind even while I'm working when I probably never even once crossed his mind.. H8 myself.

He can live without me. Bye.

Xx.

Life updates.

2012-01-30T23:43:00.001+08:00

Hi I'm back.

January is such a tough month for me. Felt like a year. So.. Days ago, I really had enough of convincing myself with excuses and got tired of being the only one trying so I kinda initiated a break with timmy. I thought it wouldn't hurt cause he really disappointed me. Like not wanting to come up to my house to bai nian, even forgetting our monthsary. Plus we've not met for weeks at that point of time. Cold wars almost every week. I initiated it and I thought he'd hold onto me but he just let go. Without hesitation. Like waiting for me to initiate the break. Words can't describe how I feel but somehow, we made it through and got back tgt. A break up which lasts less than 30min? Maybe I was too impulsive. But still, I hope he'd really try and put in effort in this relationship. I hope my words do get to him and I'm not trying to be unreasonable. I just want him to understand.. "I don't know" is never an answer. It's an excuse to avoid. Either a "yes" or a "no". Either you want or you don't want. "I don't know", I treat it as a negative answer. Because it shows how much you don't bother already. So I hope he'd stop giving such answers anymore..

Anyway, I've started work at a warehouse! Tiring. But for the pay, I'll continue working. Met up with my dear boy during the weekends. Really happy to get to see him again. I wonder if he feels the same way though. Missing him now and what's worse? His phone bill isn't paid and I've not been messaging with him for 4 days. You know, it just doesn't feel right not receiving his messages. Or waking up to his messages. Sleeping with his messages. Messages that bring a smile to my face haha. Too bad it's so damn one sided again. Meeting him for movie during weekends again weeee have been wanting to watch that movie.

Hmm I got posted into my first choice, business studies :) kinda wished it was early childhood studies but I'm ineligible for it. Bishan ITE here I come ^~^

Xx.

Part of the reason why we hold onto something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice.

2012-01-23T04:23:00.000+08:00

OK this GIF reminds me of Timmy 'Duh-ing' me -.-!!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

Hehe spent the eve at mama's place having steamboat.

Super nice and now I'm kinda hungry. The size of my tummy scares me......

Going Jurong to bai nian later! ^-^

XX.

Random; copied from tumblr.

2012-01-23T04:02:00.001+08:00

That moment when you touched your first touchscreen:

---

When the teacher sees me chewing gum:

Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

2012-01-22T03:13:00.007+08:00

Everything really feels different now.
I mean, look, this always has to happen in relationships.

Really wish for things to go back to normal. Although I'm messaging him but it just feels different.
I don't know. Need to meet him asap, if not I'm sure things would get worse.
I'll just lose confidence in it.

*Note to self:

Can't help but to miss him every single day despite telling myself not to. Miss his hugs.

Anyway that stupid panda is timmy's replacement hahaha.
When I'm angry at timmy, I'll throw it at one side and not hug it to sleep.
When I miss timmy, I'll hug it to sleep.
When I'm using computer (LIKE NOW), it's beside me, with me.

HAHAHAHAHA ok, crazy but true.................

HAHAHAHA

2012-01-21T01:27:00.001+08:00

The little things

2012-01-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

When someone does something nice just to make me smile, it really means a lot. It doesn’t matter if it’s just doing something small, it still means a lot to me. The act of going out of your way for me enlightens my soul. Actions speak louder than words.

-Tumblr.

Distance is never an issue as long as you've commitment.

2012-01-20T20:45:00.005+08:00

"You know it’s love when all you want to do is spend time with the other person, and you sort of know that the other person feels the same way."

— A Walk To Remember

Quotes like this makes me even more.. sad. Can someone teach me how to overcome this obstacle..

---

To make myself feel better..

XX.

Saying goodbye is the most painful way to solve problem.

2012-01-19T03:17:00.005+08:00

Hooked onto this song.

Can someone tell me what to do? ...

Should I just give up since this relationship is going nowhere? I really don't want to but he really isn't putting in any effort. Sigh. Dead end. As much as I love him, I still have to be sure he loves me too. If he loves me, he would want to see me everyday. He would miss me. He would put in effort. He would try to come over to spend some time and interact with my family. He would ask me to meet him. He would hold me really tight. He would be willing to change for me. He would think that I'm his world. He would be afraid to lose me. He would be waiting for my message excitedly. He would reply my messages quickly instead of every 30-40min. He would.. Prove to me actions, not words..

:(

I said I would hold on and not give up if he tries. The thing is..

He doesn't.
Does he know what course I've chosen? Does he know that I'm working soon? Does he know what movie I want to watch? I wish he's someone I could rely on when I need support, or a shoulder, or a listening ear. I wish he could be my best friend, my boyfriend. But after one year, I still don't know about him. It's like I'm still in a 1 month relationship with him. I hate how unstable our relationship is. I wish he would try. I really wish. I don't want to talk about it with him cause he'll find me unreasonable............ Am I? All girlfriends would expect this from their boyfriends.

If he wants me to change any attitude of mine, I'm willing to. Immediately. But he doesn't. I don't know why he needs time. Is it too hard for him to spend time with me? Guess what?

It is, for him.

Feel so worthless. I can do nothing to save this relationship. No matter how hard I try, it doesn't work...
Help me, please. Everything's gone.

G o n e.

Pains me so much typing this kind of post every time. Type one time cry one time lol.
PERIOD COMING MORE EMOTIONAL LA I'M SAD OK FUCKING SAD.

XX.

Blingz.

2012-01-18T04:43:00.018+08:00

Went to Bugis to shop with Annabelle and Yokpin. WEEEEEE super happy with my buys but I've really been spending alot so I've decided to get a job for sure after CNY. Staying at home is boring too. Using computer 24/7 like a loner without a life hahaha.

So my friend was msging me and he asked about my bf. He asked me why I didn't go out with my bf, isit on bad terms. UM actually that's a good question. So I just replied him that my bf doesn't like to meet me. Anyway I find him weird. Keep msging me, wanting to talk on phone, ask about my bf, ask if anyone's woo-ing me, to meet him on Saturday. LOL. Can't stand. I'm bad at rejecting people especially f2f/on the phone so I'll just msg him and tell him my bf doesn't allow hahahahahhaha ok............

And I seriously lost count about when's the last day I met my bf. Maybe a week, or two? K used to it because it has been this way for a year plus. Tired and give up on talking about this matter with him which ends up with a war most of the time. Things just remain the same. Online dating kind hahaha so I'm not feeling a thing, like not really missing him or such. Idk if it's logical to feel this way. But ya, just used to it. Maybe when I've found a job, I'll feel more occupied and less bored. Hope to meet my bf soon though. I really don't know why we're in this situation when both of us are not schooling/working which means we've all the time in the world but we don't meet at all. (When my school starts, I'm afraid this relationship would go downhill because we'd probably meet once or twice a month.) People have to stop asking me why too. I really don't know and it's like rubbing salt onto my wound. Tal vez son sólo de dos mundos diferentes y no deben comenzar en el primer lugar. Realmente espero que no.

Don't be mistaken, I still love my bf alot. Ah gonna stop here. Stop with my negative thoughts as well.

Pretty much sums up my boring life. Sleeping now, hugging the panda to sleep.

[Edited @ 9.30pm]
I always stop myself whenever I want to ask my boy out because it's alright and fine with him not meeting me at all so I must be alright with it too. I mustn't ask him out or bother him. Just feeling.. Lonely. I even meet Belle more than him although she's busy with Jc everyday. Can clearly see the effort taken by different people. Just texting with him every single day. Even texting also mostly reply once every thirty min. Idk if it's supposed to be like this in a relationship. I even forgot how his voice sound like anymore lol. Don't even make a call. Wish he would change that flaw of his. Impossible though. If he'd change that, he would have changed 1 year ago. And I dont wanna force him to meet me since he doesn't like it. Maybe I'm too ugly and annoying and boring. I should know when to stop..... Don't force him. He'll be happier. Sometimes life just has to be like this. I a m s a d.

明知道他的心里没有我, 为什么我还一直骗我自己, 一直继续缠着他.....

I know I won't be able to bear to leave him. I'm so selfish..
XX.

Everyone always says you only fall in love once, but that's not true because every time I see you, I fall in love all over again.

2012-01-15T06:21:00.002+08:00

I'm in love.

Hi, I was playing Audition with my dear boy.

I really wasn't expecting him to accompany me since he's playing Dota at lan with his friends but he did!! HEHEHE. Ok actually I think it's because his friend don't know how to play Dota thats why he came to Audition to accompany me but it's okay hahahahaha. Has been such a long time since I played with him. Brings back memories like how he always win me whenever we play cc4, how he suddenly goes for a smoking break, how I always smile whenever I'm playing with him in the past, how we chat with caps super enthusiastically idk why.

To summarize it up, everything is still the same. Just like one year ago.

Reminds me of our love.

Why does he always makes me fall in love with him over and over again!?

Can you tell I'm back to honeymoon stage. *Sigh*

After quarrels = Back to my honeymoon stage, back to living in my own world.

With flowers all over HAHAHAHAHA.

Like fa hua chi. Mad.

So sorry I can't help it :(

---

ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNABELLE!!!! *blows kisses*

If you're lucky enough to find someone who makes you feel special, don't ever take them for granted. Stick with them, fight for them, and never let them go.

2012-01-14T03:10:00.002+08:00

I've never gone through so much in a relationship before. Sometimes I really don't know how am I supposed to handle a relationship that's why I tend to ask myself if I should give up or not. But I came to realise that I'll never be able to bring myself to give up on my boyfriend. I don't know what has he done to me, I think he cast a magic spell on me or something hahaha. I mean, no matter how or what, I'll never ever want to give up on him. That would be the last thing on my list. And you never give up on the person you love. He may have made me angry or sad at times but relationships are just like that, isn't it? He can be so irritating yet cute. You know, the irresistibly cute type. He can be so sweet. He can be mean. He can be heartless. He can be understanding. He can be stubborn. He's such an ass too. Hahahaha well, that's the guy that I love.

Just when I thought me and my boy were drifting, he sent me a reassuring text.
I love how he talks about spending our lives together in future.
May be kind of stupid because teenage love doesn't really lasts but I believe in ours.

Helplessly, hopelessly, in love.

AND ONE MORE DAY TO MY DEAREST BEST FRIEND, BELLE'S B'DAY!!!!

xx.

Random post.

2012-01-14T02:23:00.004+08:00

Was using my lappy's webcam for the first time when both Annabelle and Jiacai came over. Then I wanted to capture a picture of how Belle's lying down on my bed like her house and END UP I CLICKED "CAPTURE VIDEO" or something HAHAHAHA which explains my 'eh' at the end of the video. After my 'eh' I quickly clicked "Capture picture" and guess what!....

IDK WHY IT WAS COUNTING DOWN "3, 2, 1" BLOODY SETTINGS. So...... Annabelle already noticed..... Which explains....

SHE. COVERED. HERSELF. I FAILED T_T

Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don't care anymore, but because they don't.

2012-01-13T02:39:00.005+08:00

So, I got back my O's results and I used up my luck. Expected that I would fail O's although I actually kinda have that little piece of hope to pass. Oh well, I only have myself to blame. You reap what you sow ha ha. I've submitted the 12 courses and I hope I'd be able to get into my first or second choice. Though Poly is far from me now, I'll not give up and work harder towards Poly. I've to apologise to all my loved ones for disappointing them, especially my parents. I always feel this stinging pain whenever my mum tells me about how people around her are shocked that I can't get into poly. I'm currently blogging using the laptop that my dad gave me, which is for me to use when I'm in poly. He thought that I would need to use it this year for my studies. Really, I feel so guilty. To my tuition teacher too. I've a private tuition teacher, just to teach me maths. Know what, I failed maths, again. I thought I would pass it at least. Sigh, not only have I wasted my tutor's efforts, I've wasted my dad's and mum's money.. I don't know how to reply my tutor when he asked how was my results. I chose not to reply. I'm sorry for being selfish.

I really have no idea how to tell people about my results when they ask me during Chinese New Year. I really really don't want to celebrate it. It's not my 'face' that I care, it's my parents. I've 'thrown' their faces. I remember how mum always tells me to study hard for the sake of her. AH fuck my fucking life. I hope people would stop rubbing my results in my face. I have to pretend to laugh it off and they would think I'm really happy with it so they continue rubbing. Whenever someone does that, I can't control my tears. I need to find somewhere to hide, to wipe my tears off, to continue act like I'm fine with how things are. I'm not. I'm sorry that I can't control my emotions now, it's midnight and I automatically have negative thoughts.

~+POSITIVE+~

ITE is not a bad choice. I'll start from scratch and gain experience through it. I've learned things the hard way so I hope I'll treat this as a lesson for me (Don't think I would though).

"What will mess you up most in life is the picture inside your head of how it's supposed to be."

Had a cold war with bf which lasted for 2 days because I expected and got disappointed thus, things happened. I don't know what to comment about it. To be honest, it made me think alot. Like how long would me and my boyfriend last. Like why do I make the effort when he doesn't seem to care. Like why do we make such a big fuss over such a small matter. Like why does he want to continue being that way when I've put in the effort. Like should I put a stop to everything since the both of us are suffering. Like maybe, just maybe.. Our love wasn't strong enough. I feel so vexed. I can't deny the both of us have drifted. I don't know if it's just me. He's like really far away from me. I don't seem to know him anymore.. It scares me. I know if I asked him, "Do you still love me because it feels like you don't love me anymore," he'd reply me things like, "Since you feel that I don't love you then so be it." I really wish he wouldn't to this. I wish he'd just tell me, "I do. I still love you" instead. I know he's bad at words, I know. Just that I've feelings, I get sensitive and paranoid easily.. I can't possibly not feel hurt at all right.. I dug a hole and jumped into it yesterday because I went to listen to the song he posted on the couple group. Oh, I received a text from him which ends with a 'love you'. Just at the right time. Really need him to tell me that at this point of time. I'm such a irritating girlfriend, always needing such assurance from him. Whatever it is, as long he's trying, I'm staying. He needs to remember that it's not only him in this relationship..

Sorry for this post. I let my emotions got the better of me. January is a bad month for me too and it's just the start of 2012. Sigh. Ah, I'll do a happier post soon. I sound super attention seeking in this. Luckily no one reads my blog.

Please let the rest of 2012 be good.
XX.

Handwritten love letters will never go out of style.

2012-01-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

The last chapter.

2012-01-11T23:24:00.002+08:00

Memories. I miss this.

How I feel right now.
Kinda reaching the last page of our love story though..

2012-01-11T00:36:00.001+08:00

2012-01-04T22:51:00.002+08:00

Met bf today and I'm h a p p y hehehe.

It's like.. I can feel the change. This time he's the one asking me to meet him. He was trying his best to stay awake and when we decided to rest for awhile, I woke up but I can't seem to wake him up. I nearly gave up and guess what, he really did wake up and even apologised to me for sleeping so much. I know he's really tired, I can tell. Ah ~_~ my honeymoon stage damn long hahahaha. Love how he changes for me. Gives me so much hope in our relationship.

I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP CAUSE WHEN IM AWAKE LATER, IT WOULD BE 3 MORE DAYS TILL THE RELEASE OF MY O'S RESULT T_T gonna emo in one corner after the 9th. No hope no expectation.

Xx.

2012-01-04T10:28:00.002+08:00

I love long hugs.

2012-01-03T06:12:00.003+08:00

Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status.

2012-01-02T10:59:00.000+08:00

---

I can't help it. I know I'm thinking too much.
I need to leave everything to the past..

xx

Goodbye 2011. Hello 2012.

2012-01-01T12:37:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Had steamboat with my boy, Annabelle and Jia cai yesterday at Bugis!

Wah the fish there best, super niceeeeeeeeeeee. Kind of forced bf to eat it too hahahaha awww. He ate it even though he doesn't like it. Too full and didn't get to eat ice cream!!! *Sigh :(

Took a picture after eating hehehehe.

Went to bf house for awhile cause he wanted to change his clothes and the both of us smell like food, all the steamboat smell hahahaha. Bus to Vivo to countdown after that. Forgot to take a picture though! *Double sigh. Missed the 1159-0001 kiss too. *Triple sigh. CAN'T SEE FIREWORKS TOO T_T But oh well, at least I'm with my bf ^_^

. . .

Typed out quite a lot of words and I backspaced all of them because I feel that it's kind of stupid halfway and I can't put the things I want to say and feel into words. I wish 2012 would be a great year and.. 8 more days to the day of getting my O's result. SIGHSIGHSIGH.

xx.

-

2012-01-01T12:05:00.004+08:00

Has this happened to you?

2012-01-01T08:56:00.005+08:00

You meet someone unexpectedly, and having no clue how much they’d mean to you in the future. How the path of two strangers crossed, and how it has changed and affected your life so much. And how an accidental clash of worlds, was the most beautiful thing that could possibly ever happened to you? Well, it has happened to me.

How to Keep a Relationship:

2011-12-31T06:30:00.005+08:00

Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad.
Build trusts
Be honest
Be faithful
Be there for one another.
Make time for one another.
Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s.
Know that having arguments are normal.
Know that you won’t always be happy.
Don’t expect change.
Appreciate the flaws.
Appreciate each other.
Become best friends.
Lastly, love each other unconditionally.

-Tumblr.

I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up to the warmth of your body next to mine.

2011-12-30T02:03:00.000+08:00

As I look at this picture, I begin to wonder...

How long would we last?

If we ever break up in future, would we end up hating each other?

How would life be without him?

....

I can't imagine. I guess I'm too used to have him with me.

This love. I hope he would be my last love.

But really, forever and ever? Does it even exist in the first place?

I dare not hope. I'll just cherish my time with him.

We all have our own definition of forever.

xx.

Laying here thinking how perfect life would be if you were lying nextto me.

2011-12-27T07:47:00.024+08:00

Hi I'm back to my blog cause my bf told me to post if not he has nothing to read hahaha.

This month was the worst period of time in the 12 months of relationship with him. But it's also the best at the end. We nearly left each other but we fought for our relationship and made things back to normal. After our war + talking things out, we're kinda like back to honeymoon stage. Hahahahaha no idea why. I think it's only me la!!! You know, like how my heart starts to beat damn fast when I see him and he holds my hand. I just love how things are between me and him now and I hope it would remain. This month made me realise how much I need him in my life and of course, love him.

Happy 1st anniversary baby! ♥♡
I can feel that you're changing for me and I really appreciate it. I'll change for you too. I love you. Xx.

Spent Christmas Eve with my dear boy. 二人世界 with him hahaha. It was also to celebrate for our 1st year!! It still feels like I just got together with him. Btw I think I should make it a habit to call my boy "baby" or something because idk what to call him when he's far and I'll end up hello-ing or oi-ing him HAHAHAHA.

Ok so Orchard was really crowded lor, have to squeeze like mad @_@ Bf and me bought a Christmas hat!!!! Hehehehe the last time I bought that was like in Primary school. Walked around and took pictures ^_^

I remember I said something to bb thats why he pose with this ultimate sad face of his hahahahaha.

Somehow we ended up going to his house to countdown and there's a mini Christmas tree there!! MRT was packed and the journey to his house felt like hours. Luckily I have him with me. It feels super secured and protected because he's always taking care of me.

Reached his house and I unwrapped my present that he got for me!!

A MINI PANDA!!!

Am hugging it now while I post hehe. My back was really pain and I keep complaining to bf. V sweet of him to massage for me each time I complain to him how pain it is. Counted down to Christmas and he gave me a kiss after saying "Merry Christmas baby" hahahaha his dad sent me home after that.

I feel like a mad girl now cause... Aiyo... It's like I'm hopelessly in love with my bf and each time I think of him, I'll feel like hugging him.... HAHAHA OK *stabs self* IM IN HONEYMOON STAGE NOW LA TOTALLY LIVING IN MY WORLD. HAVE TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS T_T

And this was on 23rd.

OMG FINALLY DONE WITH THIS POST. POST UNTIL I V ANGRY LOR!!!

BYE!

It is not that difficult to love.

2011-12-27T07:22:00.001+08:00

Love isn’t as complicated as we make it out to be. It’s the most simple, most elemental, most pure, most beautiful feeling, emotion, thingamajig, whatever you want to call it that beats in our hearts.

Unfortunately, it’s also the most intangible sentiment. We can’t quantify it. Your ‘I love you so much’ could be so much less than my ‘I love you so much’ and there’s no way to prove who loves who more and therein lies the whole fucking problem.

We’re never happy with how we’re loved. We complicate things. We make things difficult. We expect too much. We receive too little. We can’t accept that so we prod and push and ask for more and when we don’t get what we want, we question their love and affection because they don’t love us the way we love them. They don’t love us the way we were told they should. They don’t love us the way we want to be loved and we don’t believe anymore. We lose faith. We allow ourselves to be consumed by hatred, by anger, by desire, by greed, by anxiety, by insecurity and we give up even before we try.

It really isn’t all that difficult to love. We just have to love unconditionally, love selflessly, love altruistically, love acceptingly. We just have to love them the way we can, the way we know how and allow them to love us the way they can, the way they know how. We just have to love loving them and love them loving us.

-Tumblr.

Last post.

2011-12-06T00:28:00.001+08:00

Leaving my blog again.

Xx.

What else can I say besides saying...

2011-12-05T15:27:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry.

I didn't want all of these to happen either. I'm just too overwhelmed by those mixed feelings during those days. You don't know how much it was killing me at that point of time like it's killing you. Maybe I said things too harshly in my previous few posts.... Sorry..

I don't know what else to say. Seriously feeling so guilty after looking at your fb and twitter.

Love remains.

2011-12-04T03:56:00.001+08:00

After all of these mixed emotions, I still love him alot. Like, alot alot.

Xx.

-

2011-12-03T00:53:00.001+08:00

I always rant on my blog and regret posting after that.

Back to the same point, back to square one.

2011-12-02T17:05:00.001+08:00

Realising that if I didn't ask if you're free or anything, we would have met once in every few weeks during the holiday. You weren't with me for most of the time when I'm schooling. You weren't with me when you told me you would. You weren't with me when I needed someone beside me the most. Maybe it's just me, feeling like shit now that's why I'm saying such stuffs. Feeling lonely when I'm actually in a relationship ha ha ha. Seriously lol at myself for still feeling this way even after 11 months of rs with him. I wish I could disappear for awhile. I hate myself for feeling this way. I'm such a joke. Have to find things to occupy myself so I would stop overthinking.

On a side note, I think I should start looking for a job. I'm left with $5.

Xx.

Sucks to be me.

2011-12-01T22:41:00.001+08:00

How can people draw such pretty drawings. I can only draw stickman. And really, I put in alot of effort to draw one. Knowing I'm bad at drawing, I've to first draw many many times as drafts until I can get it the way I want and draw it in pencil on the cards or whatever. Then, I've to use a pen to draw over it. It may seems to be easy but I wish it was. For me.

Sucks at drawing, sucks at studying, sucks at making decisions, sucks at everything. If only I was cleverer or have artistic talents, more independent, prettier, taller, richer, slimmer and all. But I'm not. Ha ha ha.

:(

Self reminder: That will be my last long message.

2011-11-26T00:38:00.001+08:00

I seriously need to remind myself to stop sending long messages and doing cards. Or whatever. I've stopped for cards but haven't for long messages. I know he doesn't like to read and always complain about taking a long time to read it yet I still keep writing it lol.

Last time last time last time. No more no more no more.

24th.

2011-11-24T23:59:00.003+08:00

Super sorry to Belle and Jiacai. Also to boyfriend for losing my temper.

I must be mad. Happy 11th month baby, I love you.
Everything that I want to say to you is in the message.

XX.

♥♡

2011-11-23T11:54:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow's the day.

OoOoOo

2011-11-23T04:49:00.001+08:00

I wonder how I survived not meeting Timmy for weeks in the past 10 going 11 months cause now I'm missing him so badly. And we just met like few hours ago.

Morning.

2011-11-20T08:31:00.001+08:00

It's 8.28am now and I'm turning in. Body clock screwed. Need to adjust it back but I don't think I'll be able to do so. Mum's birthday today! ^_^ Haven't got her anything yet though. K goodnight and I miss my boy.

Thoughts.

2011-11-20T04:54:00.001+08:00

"Just apologize. It's a whole lot easier than arguing."

Guys apologize to avoid arguments. However, girls don't like it when guys don't know why and what they're apologizing for.

Contradicting. Girls are contradicting. And I'm one of them.

HA HA HA.

I wish I could.

2011-11-19T03:50:00.000+08:00

If I could, I would..

Without a doubt.

2011-11-16T02:51:00.000+08:00

Love conquers all.

2011-11-11T23:59:00.075+08:00

Before I start this post, I'm sorry my dear boy. Dint know my posts would kinda hurt you. Do know that despite all those things I've posted, I love you alot.

Timmy came over to meet me today. 11/11/11. I thought asking him to accompany me till 11:11pm was abit too over, so I did not ask him to accompany me till that time. Yet, he came down and accompanied me all the way. I know he's tired. I really felt the effort made. And then, I found out that no matter how much I feel like giving up at times, no matter how much I tell myself not to care, I'd still go back to him. I mean, I should have known I wouldn't bear to. I really want to apologise a million times, for doubting his love for me. I shouldn't have. He never gives up on me. Sometimes I really feel bad because I can't accompany him whenever he ton. Maybe he feels alone too, maybe he wants me to be there too. It is the same for me. Yet, the difference is that, he never once complained. He'd rather not sleep and meet me despite being tired. I can't possibly make him give up on his nightlife for me right. It is a habit. He needs to be with his friends too. I should have understand. For many times, I've wondered. Would life be better for him if he wasn't with me? Would he be happier? I can't accompany him at night, so he has to accompany me in the day. He has been doing this willingly. Maybe I really did take all of these for granted.

Even playing a board game with him can be this fun. Even walking aimlessly at popular with him can be this fun. Even doing lame things like, walking the "red carpet" with him holding onto me or him holding my hand trying to make me spin a round, can be this fun. Even.. I guess as long as I'm with him, things will be fun. Wouldn't want to imagine life without him.

I really want to stay in love with him for a lifetime.
So.. This is love.

XX.

My love.

2011-11-08T05:20:00.001+08:00

Always feeling this way after meeting my dear boy. I've no idea on how to describe this feeling. It's only him who can make me feel this way. I'm missing him so much right now although we've just met each other. I wonder if he feels the same too. I also love the way he talks about our future, together. I really wish he'd be the one I'm marrying to in future. It's the first time I'm feeling this way. :)

Us, our. Love, forever.
Lost and insecure, you found me.
XX

-

2011-11-03T02:57:00.001+08:00

Hate to say this but you seem to be happier without me. I don't make a difference in your life anyway. Maybe it was a mistake we've made. Although I really hope it wasn't.

One day..

Xx.

Agony. Misery.

2011-11-02T23:31:00.001+08:00

You're not with me when I need someone to be by my side. Life just sucks so badly right now..

Wish you were here.

Xx.

For I shall hope.

2011-11-02T05:17:00.001+08:00

Really hope things to be alright. Friday will be the day. Hate how my best friend is feeling so sad right now; for days and yet I can't do anything for her. So helpless.

Please. Xx.
Reality hits me suddenly.

Now?

2011-11-01T04:15:00.001+08:00

Hate my life so much that I wish I could just drop dead now.

Gonna sleep and if only I could sleep forever, I would. This is tiring.

Goodnight x.

Life, With or without you.

2011-10-31T15:43:00.001+08:00

Need to shake this feeling off me. Why do I even feel lonely.

Realized that I'm repeating the things in my posts. Always the same old thing.

U s e d to i t.

2011-10-31T15:41:00.001+08:00

Nearing the end of my O's and where are you? Nowhere to be seen. Accompany? Ok. I think you mean accompanying me through messaging. Can only envy people with their boyfriends and how sweet they are as if I don't have one. Nah nvm. You will never understand how it feels. That sucky feeling when people ask me, 'Where's your boyfriend? Why he never accompany you?' 'Huh!? Why meet so less?' And people telling me, 'I think he don't love you lor....' All I can do is to agree with them because what they say are true..

Idk how much longer I can take it.
Talk is cheap.
Bye xx.

Fuck this shit.

2011-10-28T00:44:00.001+08:00

Empty words. Sick of repeating my rantings again and again.

By tomorrow, English and maths paper down and I'm left with 4 more papers. May I be able to enter into a poly.

XX

Girls will always be girls.

Oh really?

2011-10-27T02:03:00.001+08:00

From the way we're messaging, I got no idea how to continue.

MATHS PAPER LATER. PLS BE MANAGEABLE. XX.

Dont let her go to sleep upset.

2011-10-27T01:58:00.001+08:00

"Because, she’ll only toss and turn in frustration, until sadness pulls her into sleep, and tears stain her pillow. You’ll be her first thought when she wakes up, and more than anything, she’ll wish she could go back to sleep, back to the silence, to the empty blackness. Don’t do this to her, she’s worth so much more, if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t care."

I am crazy.

2011-10-26T01:32:00.001+08:00

I need to stop missing you. I need to stop being the clingy one.

Nom nom nom.

2011-10-25T19:11:00.001+08:00

Are we a couple or not? So many things I wanna say but. Nah nvm.. I'll leave everything till after my O's. For the time being, I should stop sending long texts because I get nothing in return ha ha ha. Touched for a second, for the next second I'm not. Because how many times can I believe what you've said. How many times do I want to expect and get disappointed again. Might as well not tell me anything so I wouldn't expect. Meet meet meet. Different timings.

Having O's for this and next few weeks. I've to buck up please. Brushing up my maths now. Don't fail.. Can't afford. Bye xx

Dont get tired of me.

2011-10-25T04:34:00.001+08:00

"I don’t want you to wake up one day and not want me there for you anymore. I’m scared that in the end, I’m not what you want and BOOM strangers again. Yah know? Relationships are terrifying, but if they work out, it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world. I’m here for you and I always will be, I’m just afraid I won’t be what you want."

Had alot of moments that didn't last forever.

2011-10-25T02:56:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I stop and wonder. I don't know what I am doing with my life. I know I'll regret all of my actions in future but I'm still not stopping. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I'm sorry, I'm always disappointing people around me. Contradicting picture of myself smiling haha.

Happier note: It's me and baby's 10th month hurhurhur ♥♡ Feeling really bad because I can't celebrate with him. ~_~ Please stay understanding.

Never give up on our relationship, my dear.

2011-10-23T03:36:00.001+08:00

I feel so touched at the smallest, littlest things. I retweeted this quote in twitter, "You can't have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight." And Timmy wrote this "Worth fighting for." to me. He told me not to read it yet when I wanted to look at what he wrote. He then said, 'See whether you know what it means anot' I thought what the hell he wrote to me and ended up, it was this. The moment I flipped the paper and looked at it, I can literally feel the tears in my eyes. That's all I really need at this time. And that's your assurance. So touched, so happy, so blissful. Overwhelmed by all of my emotions now. I'm glad I'm someone who's worth fighting for, really..

He may not be someone perfect. He may disappoint me from time to time. He may make me have second thoughts about our relationship. He may not do any cards or send me long meaningful texts. But he's the best in my eyes, and he'll always be.

I love you babyboy XX

Used to talk about our future, never thought that one day I would be losing you.

2011-10-21T04:27:00.001+08:00

Sour feeling in me. Can someone explain to me why am I feeling this way. The amount of questions I ask myself everyday really scares me. I'm afraid. What if the answers to my questions are not what I've expected?

What.. If.

Just friends, no love.

2011-10-18T21:07:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry for being such a boring person that I'm not even worth your time. I dint ask you to place me first among your friends but seriously, you treat me worse than how you're treating your friends. You can't even find time for me. You don't even bother to meet me. You don't even miss me. You're never with me when I need you the most. It's always others. Always. And your attitude. It's as if you don't give a fuck. Telling me to msg you when I'm not angry? Not even a sorry? Don't you know how much I've been looking forward to meet you? People telling me that you don't even love me. Those words hurt but I'm realizing that it's true. You wouldn't do this if you really love me. Why... For this 9months, were you just treating me as a toy? Words and words. Empty words. Empty promises. I'm tired.

An argument is no reason to give up in a relationship. It is a reason to work harder. If you really love them, you will really try.

2011-10-16T02:30:00.001+08:00

Graduation day, 14thOct.

2011-10-15T02:26:00.001+08:00

Memories that are going to stay in my heart forever.
With love.

But if one or both of you are not happy, you have to put in the effort to fix things — or walk away.

2011-10-14T03:15:00.001+08:00

I hope no matter what obstacle me and Timmy may face in future along the way, it'll only strengthen our love for one another and not destroy our relationship.

I love you so much XX

There are some things you need to hear in order to feel better about a situation, like "Im sorry" & "I miss you"

2011-10-13T02:10:00.001+08:00

Cooled down. Kinda rant too much in my previous post. Ohwell..

Love and relationship.

2011-10-12T23:06:00.001+08:00

As days go by, our relationship gets more and more worse. To the extent that I really don't know how to save our relationship anymore. The things you do and say can be v hurtful and disappointing, you know? I dint expect it from you. I kept asking myself 'why?'. Why and where did things go wrong? How did it actually happen? I feel you drifting further and further away from me yet I can't do anything.

I tried changing and controlling my temper. I don't want to be unreasonable in your eyes but I guess I failed badly. I don't want to quarrel with you too. I hate it. It really breaks my heart and you've got no idea how it affects me. Why can't we meet at least once a week? Why do I always feel that you're taking me for granted? You're the last person on my list to do such things to me but you proved me wrong. It hurts so bad. So I'm that not worth your time. Not worth remembering my birthday at all. Not worth the time to meet at all. Not worth the time to msg at all. Not worth the time to put in effort at all. And guess what? I've been wanting to meet you at least once a week but you seem to be busy. I've been trying to reply your msg ASAP because I feel that we're left with msging when we don't meet much but you take your time to do so. I remembered your birthday and I really thought you remembered mine cause it's something special other than the date we got together but you told me that dates weren't important and I'm being unreasonable. This shit hurts. I dare say I've put in effort in our relationship. You've never once left my mind even when you're asleep. Yet all, ALL of these seem to be one sided. Only me. Is feeling this way being unreasonable? I tried not to care. I tried giving up but I can't....

Do I miss you? Honestly I do. But the number of times this thing happen makes me get used to it. I'm really used to it. How does it feel to miss you? I can no longer feel it anymore..

If you've the heart to meet me or anything, you would.. Right..? It's like if you miss someone, you'll want to meet someone so badly. But you...? Sigh :( it's ok, I'm ok.. For I've been disappointed, again and again. Killing me slowly..

F a t e.

2011-10-11T19:23:00.001+08:00

An Ancient Chinese proverb says, “An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, despite the time, the place, and despite the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangle, but will never be broken.”

Can you hug me for life?

2011-10-11T03:23:00.001+08:00

I need to remind myself constantly. Please. I really need to stop. Fighting the urge.

Do you?

2011-10-09T19:33:00.001+08:00

D o u b t s.

2011-10-08T22:07:00.001+08:00

I don't understand and I never will.

Before you quit school, we seem to meet more. Every Fridays at least. You told me that after you quit school, you'll have MORE time for me. I believed you. But I was proven wrong. You told me you'll have MORE time for me after you quit your job. I believed you once again. But still, you let me down. Next, you said that you'll accompany when I'm out studying. But have you? I kept it in. I really do mind. Why am I the one who seems to be missing you? Why do I always feel so one sided? Why do I always have to doubt your feelings for me? Are you that busy to make time for me?

I really don't know..
I wished I didn't care this much.

Love your mum, love our mum.

2011-10-08T01:09:00.001+08:00

Love your parents.
We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.

Manage me, I am in a mess.

2011-10-06T21:55:00.001+08:00

Is this how it's supposed to feel?
Forever? No longer feel that it exists. I've learnt to lower my expectations, after that time.

People grow apart. Deal with it.

2011-10-06T00:55:00.001+08:00

Be optimistic but remain realistic.

2011-10-03T22:55:00.001+08:00

I get it, I'm not that important to you.

All said and done. I really question myself so many times. Why do I have to do this..? Kinda tired, really..

I hate this feeling right now. Fuck it :(

A relationship doesn’t scare me, neither does the commitment, its the thought of us ending is what scares me.

2011-10-02T18:10:00.001+08:00

Blogging feel is back. Hahaha!

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing and whether I've made the right decision. I really hope that I won't have to regret the choice I've made in future.

Xx.

Self reminder:

2011-10-02T18:03:00.001+08:00

S t u d y.

2011-10-01T21:16:00.001+08:00

Have been studying outside recently.
Maybe I'm gonna start blogging again ^_^ Trying to figure out how to upload pictures at the moment. HMMM.

Updated.
Omg I've finally figured out how to post a picture! Muahaha.

Catch no feelings, feel no pain.

2011-07-17T02:50:00.004+08:00

Abandoned.

F o r e v e r.

2011-06-24T00:00:00.003+08:00

“It’s an amazing feeling when you find the boy who, you know, no matter what happens, you two will always make it through everything, all the hard times because you love each other that much.”

Happy 6th month my dear! I love you. ♡

Are you happy though?

2011-06-14T23:10:00.011+08:00

Omg i want so many things.

I want a baseball jacket. I want a necklace. I want earstuds. I want a polaroid camera. I want to be clever. I want to be skinnier and prettier. I want to stop being lazy. I want holidays to not end. I want to meet him. I want to eat but i cannot cause late already walao very hungry lor i really want to eat lor idk why my stomach still gulu gulu one and idk why this sentence got no full stop it's like i want this sentence to go on and on and on and on. Ok i'm bored and broke and i miss you.

I AM A HARDWORKING GIRL CAUSE I'VE STUDIED CONTINUOUSLY FOR 2DAYS WITH ANNABELLE HEHEHEHEHEHE FEEEELS GOOD. Gonna study with her again tomorrow at bishan! ^~^

LOL b o r e d.

Stay in my life, forever.

2011-06-12T23:54:00.020+08:00

Went for literature seminar with Annabelle on Friday. +++++ RETAIL THERAPY!!! Long time since i've shopped lor! Spent 80bucks plus and i'm broke, savings fly. But nvm happygirl ^~^ Baby came over to meet me and i went over to his house first. Had a bathe and we went to tiong plaza (I THINK) for a movie YAY! X-men was nice i likeyyyyyyyyy. Ate and his father sent me home ^v^

Woke up later than boyfriend and he like panic cause i haven't woke up lor! HAHAHA Mrt all the way to his house and i'm super lateeeee. Ate bigbigbig pizza and we off we go to his bro & bro's girlfriend's hotel. Ok i'm too lazy to continue this post but to summarize it all, i really enjoyed my time with him for the 2days hehehehehehehehehehehehe. BYE!

Sometimes, some of the sweetest words come from the biggest assholes.

2011-06-10T02:04:00.000+08:00

"We’re girls, we get jealous, we hate that mother fucker who spams your facebook, we tend to assume things, our imaginations go wild. Every second you take to reply, thousands of things goes through our heads ; We start assuming, and this is when we get insecure. But then.. we’ll try comfort ourselves, we’ll think back to our conversations and make our-self believe you ain’t that type of guy. So don’t disappoint us."

My sweetest boyfriend.

2011-06-08T23:43:00.005+08:00

I screenshot and save all of boyfriend's sweet tweets to me HAHAHA.

this was on the 1st of may.

---

Today, i logged into twitter and to my surprise, i saw...

next, was his twitter..

Awwww, this means alot to me :') Puts a smile on my face.

... And i miss you so so much, too.

OK LA I KNOW I FEEL TOUCHED VERY EASILY LAAAAAAA

23 months.

2011-06-07T23:55:00.062+08:00

HI idk why my blog locked but still got this stupid advertisement tagger inside my tagboard. I cleared everything already what.............. OMG WHY AH????? HOW THT IDIOT DONNA COME IN AND TAG ME!? Y HER NAME LIKE YOONA. PURPOSELY ONE ISIT.

Today's me and Annabelle's 1year11months hohohohohohoho. I remember when i first joked and asked her, 'i love you pls stead with me.' Something like that and i don't care she got accept my 'stead' request anot then i just kept telling her '070709 ah!!!' HAHAHA. When our 'first month' coming, i kept irritating her about the date and everything. BUT SHE'LL ALWAYS IGNORE ME WITH A '-.-' HEARTBREAK SIA SOBS. In the end still wished me 'happy first month' AWWWW gei gei one this woman, so touched hehehehehehehehe. HAHA WELLLLLL, 1 year and 11 months passed~ now still need share her with Jiacai :( Hahahahahahahahahaha will kill Jiacai if he ever disappoints my qin ai de.

“I want to thank you. Thank you for always listening to me when I just needed to vent. Thank you for understanding what I needed, for being my best friend, and for not giving up on me when everyone else had.”

EH CB I M ANGRY GIRL NOW CAUSE ME WRITE LONG LONG SWEET SWEET THEN I ACCIDENTALLY PRESS DAO AND EVERYTHING DELETE TMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOBS :( NVM THE QUOTE THAT I COPY FROM TUMBLR IS ENOUGH HAHAHAHAHHAHAA.

AWWWWWWWWWW WHY I SO SWEET. SWEETEST GIRL ON EARTH.

Harpee 1 year and eleben months beibiiiiiiiiii :*

You know you like someone:

2011-06-06T22:30:00.002+08:00

You know you like someone when they’re all you think about. When they randomly pop up in your head and either bring you a smile or a frown. A smile because they make you happy and a frown because they’re not a part of your life. You know you like someone when you talk to them a lot. When each and every word they say gets imprinted into your memory. You know you like someone when their smile lights up your day. When you get lost just by staring into their eyes. You know you like someone when they make you so happy but have the ability to make you so sad too. You know you like someone when you get jealous. When you see them hanging out or talking to someone else, your heart starts to sink. You know you like someone when you get happy just because they started a conversation with you. But most of all, you know you like someone just by reading this and they popped up into your head.

R U THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING HAHAHAHAHA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
It's him.

It’s sweet if he talks to you whenever he is available; but it’s sweeter if he makes himself available just for you.

2011-06-03T02:10:00.007+08:00

It’s the scariest thing ever to realize how much someone means to you. When it hits you, I mean really hits you, all these thoughts and questions rush through your head at once. A sad emotion even starts to creep on you slowly inch by inch as you start to wonder.

What if for some reason things don’t work out? How are you possibly going to live without them?

Someone that was once a stranger now is the only person you know like the back of your hand. Someone you once had no emotions for, now has the power to break your heart. Someone you used to never hangout with, now owns most of your time. Someone that you thought you’d never love, owns your entire heart. Someone you once lived without, you now wish to hold on forever.

"When I like someone,

2011-06-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

I’m meaner to them. So many people always try to be sweet to the one they’re interested in, but that honestly gets tiring after a while. It’s more fun to be an ass. Plus you get to see how tolerant they are, and how much of a sense of humor they have. And it’s just that more special when you’re sweet, because it stands out more. I’d say… 70% asshole 30% sweet. If someone could get on that level with me, I’m all theirs."

You remind me of food. I love food.

2011-06-01T23:51:00.032+08:00

It's j-u-n-e!! June used to be my favourite month out of the year because got holiday hahahaha. but now.. holiday like no holiday. November & december are still the best :)

HMMM, results were bad. Chinese O was bad as well byebye my A~ Had oral today too. Miss gan said i didn't elaborate enough....... HELLO I TRY ALR LOR MY VOCABULARY LIMITED MA!!!!! So i guess my oral..

sigh BAD BAD BAD.

Okie, my plans for June!

SHOPPING HEHEHE. Have to find at least a day to go shopping.
Study -.-...... no more dragging and excuses, have to buck up already!
Eat
Sleep
Eat
Sleep

OK LA ACTUALLY MY PLAN LIKE THAT ONLY LOR HAHAHAHA MY LIFE INTERESTING HOR ^v^ AWESOME LOVE OLVLS.

Anyway! Things are back to normal between me and my boyfriend because he read my ranting post hahahahahaha. He's currently working for a month which means we can only message during his break and after his work, but it's ok, understanding girlfriend here hohohohohohohohoho SIAN where to find you tell me *flicks hair* HAHA. He'll work hard, i'll study hard ^~^

Killing me slowly.

2011-05-26T02:17:00.000+08:00

Finally let out everything that's in my heart. Felt so much better. Enough of tears. Thanks Annabelle and Daniel being there for me. Daniel made me so touched by his messages that i started tearing again boooo. Haha i've got no idea why i'm so emotional today. Really. Today tears free flowwwwwwwwww hahahahahahaha well, gonna sleep soon, eyelids feeling heavy 'cause i cried like a mad bitch. school tomorrow. Hope it'll will be a better day. Guess what, i dropped the 'if he wants to message me, he will' mindset and texted him first just now. I already made the first move. I'm holding on, i'm trying, i'm putting in effort. At the very least, i tried..

Nighty night!

It's weird how everything can suddenly change.

2011-05-25T23:26:00.010+08:00

Ranting post

I'm back. Can't believe so many things changed during the period of time that i haven't been blogging. Yesterday, was me and my boyfriend's 5th month. It doesn't feel like it's our 5th at all, instead, it was like a normal day. 24th? 5 months ago, it was that exact day, at that exact time at 1817, that we got together. Does he still remember how it feels during that point of time? Happiness. I was the happiest, luckiest girl. Then, through so many obstacles, cold wars, we make it through till today. None of us are putting in any effort or trying anymore in this relationship. Messaging each other seems to be.. idk how to put it to words. It's all different. I remember myself always smiling whenever i receive his messages. I remember myself waking up and the first thing i'd do is to check my phone. What for? Yes, it's for his messages. His good morning messages never fail to make my day. I remember myself falling asleep while messaging him because i really dint want to say goodnight and end the conversation with him. Now it's like a chore. Short late boring replies. Waiting and waiting but all in vain. Anger which turns to tears, ended up with me, blaming myself for everything. Blaming myself for being so sensitive, so unreasonable, so attitude and whatever that makes me a bad girlfriend. I'd never thought that this day actually comes to the both of us. Each day, we're seeing each other drifting further and further away. So so far away.. I really tried my best. I really tried giving in. I really tried.. I tried so much till i'm tired. Haven't i been giving in? Haven't i been putting in effort? Whenever he wants to smoke, i didn't say anything. Whatever he does, i'll try to put myself into his shoes. Like, 'Ah, i should understand. If it's the other way round, he'll just tell me it's ok and be very understanding.' I'm struggling and fighting the urge to message him now. I want to talk it out but most probably he'd brush it off and say that i'm sensitive.. What's worse, he's sick now. I don't want him to be troubled when he's sick and weak. I really...... don't know what to do anymore. I hate being sensitive. I hate being the unreasonable one. I hate my attitudes. Does he think that i love being that way? I'm sensitive because i care, too much. I'm unreasonable with bad attitude.. I.. I'm sorry. So sorry..

Truth to be told, with you around, life is indeed better. It's nice knowing that someone is by my side despite all my flaws. Just that, things changed and everything's different. Don't you feel so? Don't tell me that you don't feel it at all.. Sigh. I'm still glad i've got my best friend with me. Letting me rant, giving me advices and all. She told me to talk it out but.. blame myself for being stubborn. I don't want to be the one starting the talk again. Y' know the, 'if he wants to message me, he will' that mindset. Yeah, fuck that. I.... am sad. It's scary to think that one day, all this eventually will end. Remember you once told me 'nothing lasts forever'? Seeing my private tumblr and previous posts made me cry. Don't cry. Can't cry. Shouldn't cry.

"Even when the going gets rough, hang in there. When things don’t always work out between the two of you, keep trying. Sometimes when things aren’t good, they’ll get worse, but remember that if you both work for each other, things will get better."

My boyfriend was once a stranger. I got to know him in a game. We talked, we got closer. Shortly after, we fell in love. I never once thought that he'll be the one. We met, we went for movie, we got together, we spent Christmas eve together. I kept repeating to myself that i'm the happiest and luckiest girl, there's nothing more i can ask for. We were so in love. Facebook posts, meeting every friday after my school, coming over to meet me just because he misses me, giving me surprises, roses every single thing. Then here comes taking each other for granted, sensitiveness, attitudes, meeting up lesser and lesser, rants to friends, tolerance, thoughts of letting go the relationship, tears and all within the 5 months. Each month things get worser and worser. Till this month, things crashed down....... I can't predict what's going to happen next. I don’t know what the future has in store for us but I know that i don't want him to become a stranger in my life, again. It frightens me. He became part of my life, a daily routine unknowingly. How am i supposed to continue on without it? If that really happens, then it's ok. I'll let go, i'll stay strong. I'll remember him, his smiles, his mini-eyes, his love, his everything, forever. I'm prepared for our outcome. I hope i really am.

Today is our 5th month and 1 day.
~~Sad~~ Happy 5th month, my dearest boy. I love you, always.

Why do we fall in love?

2011-05-08T05:00:00.003+08:00

Letting go isn’t a one time thing. it's something you do everyday. Over and over again.

fuck everything.

Did you ever have a feeling that you wanted to go and still have the feeling that you wanted to stay?

2011-04-30T23:24:00.002+08:00

Supposed to go to woodlands for tuition at 10.30am but i overslept. woke up at 11am in the end. had teacher waiting for me oooops. rushed down to woodlands and when i reached, he told me that he got urgent matters to do. which means i have to wait for him, a l o n e. i stood outside mac for like 30mins la hahaha legs want break, no place to sit :( went to library to sit and wait for him in the end. bloooooooody can't find the library you know. i msged and asked 'cher how to go and he replied, 'cut thru causeway point and you will SAW a traffic light' HAHAHA fail english. but the main point is.. how the hell i know cut from whr!?!? totally not helping. took like 30min to find -.-. He reached after another hour. Went through maths for an hour plus @ starbucks with him. Hope my maths do improve.

Went to grandma's house after that! hehehe. spent most of my time sleeping there thou'. too tired ~.~ Celebrated mama's birthday and mothers' day in advance there ^v^

Happy birthday to you~

Wishing in progress..

Huat ah!

HAHA mama's fringe so kewtttttt.

Spam take #1

Spam take #2

Spam take #3

Figuring out how to do a '67' sign.

Mama: 'like that?'

HAHAHA cute grandparents of mine :')

And yeye gave mama a kiss but never take until! Awwwwwwww how sweet~

Happy birthday in advance to my dearest mama ♥

I constantly worry so much about what could and might happen that I forget to appreciate the things that have and are happening. I hate it. Majority of the things I worry about won’t even happen, and if they did, then I should appreciate the good times now while it last.

Shall stop being so sensitive. Trust.

I love the way he keeps on making me fall for him everyday.

2011-04-26T23:30:00.015+08:00

No school tomorrow yay hehehehe!

And i got a new bolster to hug ^v^ Guess i'll hug both of them hahahaha.

Happy birthday to daddy in minutes time :)

If forever really exists, I'd like to spend it with you.

2011-04-24T23:59:00.121+08:00

Woke up at 11am to go to the clinic! my right ear now totally unblocked hehehe feeeeeeels good. shall do the same thing to my left ear after my exams then i'll not have blocked ears anymore ^^

HMMM, waited for someone to come over to yishun to meet me. And that is....

HAHAHA so cute. Took this picture from my ahma's bedsheet hahahaha.

No la~ it's my boyf of course. he drew t.o.p for me as our 4th month present!!! I still thought he don't care 'bout our monthsary sobs really sorry! love the drawing alot ^~^

Mrt-ed to Plaza Singapura and we caught..

Scream4!!! hahahahaha. boyf kept telling me not to cover my eyes but i can't eh. too bloody then it's like can feel the pain. idk how explain haha! but he enjoyed the movie hehe. I didn't plan for any programme after the movie........... hahahaha so we walked around aimlessly~ fail planner is me. nvm la, i got him, he got me, can liao HAHA *saving myself. Boyf sent me home and i reached at 11pm :)

---

She isn’t the easiest girl to put up with.

She’ll annoy you, here and there.
She’ll take up all of your time, here and there.
She’ll be bitchy, here and there.
She can be complicated, here and there.
She’ll assume things, here and there.
She’s stubborn, here and there.
She might even get bored, here and there.
But, she loves you for dealing with the bullshit she comes with and puts you through, ‘cause she knows she deals with your bullshit, here and there, too.

Yes, it's our 4th month today! How fast.. I still remember every single thing that happened on the 24th of Dec, the day we got together. It's like everything just happened yesterday, haha. I'd really need to thank my boyfriend for putting up with my temper, attitude, sensitiveness, insecurities, stubbornness. Whenever he gives me late replies, i'll get mad and start my attitude shit. Indeed, that's what happened yesterday. I thought he doesn't care 'bout our monthsary anymore. I thought i was the only one getting all excited for everything. I thought I was getting irritating to you. I thought I was being naive. I thought.. I thought 'bout so many things. Guess what? I went to sleep feeling sad and moody. Hahahaha how stupid is this. I'm sorry baby. Y' know what they say, 'When you're more attached to someone, you're more sensitive to things than they are.' This explains it all. Can't blame me. It's because I don't wish to lose you and please do know you're really important in my life. I may say stuffs like, 'Go and die la' , 'Walao why he like that!' , 'So irritating/stupid' and others but to tell you the truth, I never did mean all those things I've said. Most of them were in a moment of anger. I end up being guilty and regret saying all those to you. Well, I can say this month was the toughest for me from the first month up till now. You once said that quarrels are supposed to build our relationship stronger. Haha. No matter what, let's don't ever give up because of any small matter that may happen in future okay? Anyway, I've learnt so much in this relationship. I've learnt to trust. I've learnt to give in. I've learnt to play my part in our relationship. I've learnt to put myself into his shoes. I've learnt to control my temper. I've learnt that everything takes two hands to clap. Most importantly, I've learnt what's love. I'll still try to change myself to a better girlfriend. I'm lucky to know and have such a sweet boyfriend in my life. And I really hope this goes on for a long time, for a lifetime..

Happy 4th month babyboy, I love you ♥

-From your girlfriend.

Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different.

2011-04-23T23:48:00.056+08:00

Ate at yck's sakura today with mum and bro! hehehe.

Dad drove us there and he went to work after that! Reached and we started kiap-ing alot alot alot of food. bro even wanted to da bao the food home la, mum kept saying xiasuay hahahaha funny. kiasu singaporeans ^~^

Don't judge this fish by its picture ah....... this fish damn awesome lor, super nice!! ate like 5 or more hahahaha. ignore the prawn btw. then my bro suddenly got this auto blur mode in his phone camera. i didnt edit it to be that way ah!

The end! hahaha. pictures are enough la~ ^v^

BYEBYE!
24th in minutes time but....

She used to be my unicorn, you know unbelievable, crazy, special, the girl I thought could never exist.

2011-04-22T23:27:00.004+08:00

makes me think.. true indeed.

So anyway~
I did study today!!

Bro was webcamming then i asked him to take picture of my studious side.
You know, 认真的女人最美丽what HAHAHAHA
But i studied for awhile only :( got distracted too easily.

MY EYES BIGGER OR SPONGEBOB'S ONE BIGGER O_O
HAHA yes i got distracted by bro's webcam. Spam take pictureeeees hehe.

And this is my irritating, best brother.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW~

And 24th's coming! ^v^

BYEZ n_n

At times i'm fine, i don't care. At times i dissolve, i fall apart, i don't listen.

2011-04-22T03:37:00.001+08:00

Tests failing, including chinese. Midyear examinations coming, not prepared. Sunday's our 4th month, haven't plan. Teachers saying that the papers this time round are going to kill us all. Remedials, maths, chemistry, physics, ss, poa everything. Idk how. Guess this will be treated as a motivation for me to study harder for Os 'cause i predict that i'll fail quite alot of subjects. Sigh, don't really want to let my parents down but idk why i can't stop being lazy and start studying.. I hate how late nights always make me feel so emotional ha ha ha. :(

Am i irritating........ lol. irritating unreasonable girl.

Ah nvm. Anyway i'm finally going to the doctor's to wash my ear! Sucks having blocked ear for a week and having to put ear drops everyday. Wanted to one shot clean both my ears but the doctor told me not to 'cause will giddy. Sobssssssss one by one then~

Must study when i wake up later. I must study and stop procrastinating.

Meowz byebye ^v^ hehe!

:')

2011-04-20T23:09:00.006+08:00

“That’s the problem with us. We’re both stubborn asses and always want to get our way. We both hate to be wrong and love to be right. But that’s the thing about love. No matter what happens, we always come back for each other, one more time.”

— The Notebook

Not perfect, never enough.

2011-04-03T22:05:00.006+08:00

很痛，真的很痛。

words. that. hurt. deeply.

goodnight, :)